


get in witches (we're going shopping)

by Ariesgirl666



Category: AHS Apocalypse, AHS Coven - Fandom, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: Gen, Spoilers for 8x04, bad puns are bad, madison pushes her luck, madison's still gay for zoe, mentions of blowjob, michael can't drive cause he's gay, such a crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 08:56:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16194269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ariesgirl666/pseuds/Ariesgirl666
Summary: “Can we pull over? The mall’s right there,” Madison said again, ignoring Queenie.“No.” Michael said, trying to sound like his mother.It didn’t work.or, the missing scene between Queenie and Michael getting Madison out of hell and their slow-motion montage in new outfits





	get in witches (we're going shopping)

“I’m gonna need you to pull over.”

Michael didn’t deign to look at her in the rearview mirror. “And why is that, Madison?”  
“Well I’m not gonna see Zo- _the Coven_ -in this retail shit,” the blonde witch said disdainfully. “They’d laugh their asses off.”

“You’re right, she is shallow,” Michael drawled to Queenie, who shrugged sympathetically. “Girl’s got a point, Michael. I don’t want Miss Cordelia to see me with my hair all flat from the freaking lemon-scented furniture in the Cortez.”  
“Boo-hoo, I had to stay in a five-star luxury hotel for a few months!” Madison mocked. “I was stuck in _literal_ retail hell, bitch.”

“Nothing _luxury_ about the Cortez,” Queenie said solemnly. The cloud lifted from her face. “Besides, it’s not like you didn’t deserve everything you had coming to you.”

“Can we pull over? The mall’s right there,” Madison said again, ignoring Queenie.

“ _No._ ” Michael said, trying to sound like his mother.

It didn’t work.

“Why not? We don’t all have snazzy -what are you again? I didn’t know we had boy witches.”

“Wizards?” Queenie suggested.

“LET’S GO SHOPPING,” Michael said loudly, making an illegal U-turn towards the exit. Behind him, Madison and Queenie high-fived.

 

“So,” Madison said, strutting into the mall in jeans and a black bra, having left her uniform abandoned outside Michael’s car. “What are you thinking?”

Queenie was already admiring a pair of heels. She grinned. “I’m thinking black.”

 

They found Michael in another part of the mall several hours later, trying on several pairs of sunglasses.

“I’m buying everyone sunglasses,” he announced magnanimously.

And he did.

 

“Have you ever thought of growing your hair long?” Madison asked on their way back to the car. Michael almost dropped his knockoff Chanel’s. “Excuse me?”

“Your hair,” Madison repeated. “It’d look great long.”

“Like Zoe’s,” Queenie snorted.

“I’ll consider it,” Michael was surprised to find himself saying, but it’s not like he could ever look _bad_.

Queenie glanced down. “Madison, are you really wearing those shoes with that skirt?”  
“Okay but imagine how cool it’ll look in slow-motion,” the star enthused.

 

A few miles later -

“Michael?”  
“For the love of evil, _what_?”

“I’m hungry. Living people need to eat, remember?” Madison said.

Queenie knew it took a hell of a man to scare James Patrick March. “Madison, maybe don’t push -”

“Come on, Queenie. I’m _sure_ you’re hungry too,” Madison said, but it lacked her usual bite. “Come on, Michael, please. I’ll blow you for a -”

“Stop offering to blow me,” Michael said monotonously.  
“Yeah, ho,” Queenie muttered.

“We have places to be,” the warlock continued.

“Are you gay?” Madison asked. “Cause I’m, like, getting a vibe -”

Michael swerved. “FINE,” he seethed. “There’s a McDonalds in a few miles.”

“Now -”

“SILENCE,” he seethed, and Madison didn’t push it.


End file.
